Meet Vera. She is a powerhouse of a woman; a devoted mother of two, a former senior banker turned yoga therapist, a mindfulness and meditation teacher; perinatal specialist, breastfeeding counsellor and truly passionate birth and postnatal doula. I am delighted to have her alongside me as as my teaching partner on both the Pre and Postnatal Yoga & Mindfulness Teacher Trainings. As we prepare for our 2025 Postnatal Teacher Training, I asked her to share her own postpartum experiences with me and what she learned about matrescence. I wondered how her personal experiences, alongside those of the mothers she serves, have informed her approach to supporting the postpartum journey with her clients and students.
What knowledge did you have about the postpartum experience when you were pregnant?
None at all, other than my mum will be looking after me, I was underprepared for breastfeeding for sure. My mum looked after me really well in terms of food and massage etc as well as taking care of my baby and giving me a chance to rest, but I didn’t know much. For the second time round, I completed my antenatal and postnatal yoga training, ayurvedic massage diploma and made sure that my independent midwives hours were skewed towards postpartum as I wanted no repeat of hyperlactation.
Did you do any postpartum preparation with any of your babies? If so, what?
For first – nothing, for second – lots, including proper pelvic floor exercises.
What were your expectations of the postpartum experience?
That you are treated well and looked after by your mother.
How did your PP reality live up to your expectations?
Yes, it did, mostly, as I was very quickly in tune with my babies, co-sleeping, I barely had sleepless nights with both children and I genuinely thought that all women are looked after by their mothers.
Did the reality of postpartum life match your experience? What surprised you?
What surprised me is the mental and emotional turmoil because I was a high-ranking banking professional and I needed to redefine my role in the family and in the world, and this was really hard. Choices that I have made then will be different to what I will do now.
How did you experience this adaptation to your new role of mother as opposed to high-ranking banking professional. How did that difficulty in adaptation play out?
I don’t think I fully adapted to this with my first child, I came back to work (they hired three people to cover my role when I went on maternity), I found a bigger role in a different part of the organisation with more responsibility and a focus on the next promotion as I was aware what happens in finance to women who took maternity leave but, at the same time, I started to look for answers as to what happened to me during my maternity period ( I trained as a yoga for pregnancy teacher and then postpartum yoga teacher) and I grew more and more dissatisfied with my aspirations in the finance world as I expanded my knowledge outside of it. When I fell pregnant with my son, I was determined not to come back.
How long did it take you to emotionally recover from your births?
The emotional side of my second birth was really hard. Just two weeks after I birthed my baby boy, and we decided I would leave banking, the 2008 crisis happened with the collapse of Lehman brothers and my husband lost his job. We had to look at the new reality of me coming back into banking to become the sole breadwinner. I then lost my job, got another one with more responsibility, then another, whilst at the same time completing my Yoga therapy training and starting to work as a doula. I was burning the candle from “three“ ends. By this stage it was very hard to jump – I was earning a 6 figure salary, travelling business class ( at one point I was even GOLD member of BA frequent travellers club), I had a lot of responsibility at work but I was operating in such a patriarchal world, it was simply killing me and at one point I just realised that if carry on, I will die. I had to approach my next stage differently.
I worked in the corporate world for over two decades, I understand the challenges of a professional woman, I understand how important the work with the mind is and I treat this stage of my life, although it is a calling, still as a profession and not a hobby. So many skills that I have learnt as a high ranking official are really useful now – problem solving, ability to hold my own with obstetric team with ease, presentation skills, writing, but of course now I can use previously under-utilised skills of empathy, compassion and love to the full.
How long did it take you to physically recover from your births?
First birth was much longer as 1) I had badly sutured 2nd degree tear (I chose not to have stitched second time round for my homebirth and it was 10 times better) and 2) I had retained placenta so almost got hospitalised with sepsis on day 10 and suffered mastitis due to hyperlactation. Second one was a homebirth so I was running up and down the stairs day 2 and walking about quite early on, had much happier postpartum in the physical sense
Can you say more about how you experienced hyperlactation and its challenges?
Hyperlactation was caused by me listening to the incorrect and unsolicited advice of others plus the deep-rooted cultural belief that you need to produce lots of milk to feed the baby regardless of circumstances so I started expressing early on. My daughter was 4.8 kg and she was always hungry at the beginning but I wasn’t allowed or explained how to be intuitive with her needs. By the time she was three months she was gaining 1.5 kg per month and I had so much milk, our freezer was full for many months to come. I have several lactostasis events through the feeding, I was constantly leaking ( remember this was 20 years ago when we didn’t have milk collectors, etc). Although I enjoyed breastfeeding as a concept, it wasn’t easy and I had to go back to work when she was 7 month old as we didn’t have long paid maternity leave back then. Then there were further challenges of feeding her at work ( my mother would bring her over during lunch time) and then me expressing during other times ( again we didn’t have in bra shells so I couldn’t just express in my office).
How much support did you have? How easy did you find it to ask for that support?
I had excellent support – I had my mother for 6 months permanently, a nanny, and a housekeeper. This is not a reality that my clients experience and I totally appreciate it.
As a postpartum doula, what have you learned about the needs of postpartum women?
Those vary, but primarily it is 1) a lack of understanding that the support will be needed and 2) expectation that they can do all of it and hence there is early exhaustion that set in
What is your recipe for a successful postpartum for new mother/baby dyads?
Rest, cosleep, breastfeed, pace, let go of expectation, get help, good nutrition.
What do you think new mothers need when they attend postnatal or mother and baby classes?
Somebody to listen to, get them to feel and connect to their bodies as women rather than mothers, rest.
How do you think new mothers can best be supported emotionally?
By providing space and support on the physical level, hence allowing them space and time to process the change and align to it. We need circles, we need the ability to talk and be listened to, this is how our brain is wired, but it needs to be a safe space without judgement and unsolicited advice.
What was your favourite postpartum practice?
Restorative always.
What are you most looking forward to sharing on the Postnatal Yoga & Mindfulness Teacher Training?
Years and years of working with nourishing the body and soul of women looking for safe supportive circles.
